The 10 Commandments of Driving in Jamaica
And God spake all these words, saying, I am the Lord thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of low blood pressure, out of the house of sanity.
1. Thou shalt INDICATE before thou merges into a lane.
2. Thou shalt not take unto thy head any taxi men, or any operator of any public transport vehicle that is in Half Way Tree above, or that is in Cross Roads below, or that is coming from Cross Roads below. Thou shalt not medz them, nor overtake them: for I the Lord thy God am a procrastinating God, yet to visit the iniquity of these drivers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of those who hate them; And shewing mercy unto the tens of them that love me, and keep to t̶h̶e̶ ̶r̶o̶a̶d̶ ̶c̶o̶d̶e̶ my commandments.
3. Thou CAN take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord actually will hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.
4. Remember the roads, and that they are hole-y. Six days o̶u̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶y̶e̶a̶r̶ has the National Works Agency laboured, and done no work: But there is a one in seven chance thou will JRAP in a pothole on any given road: in it thou shalt see a HELL of a front end repair bill, thy son’s bank account, thy daughter’s tuition, thy manservant’s salary, his maidservant’s salary, and thy life savings. For it takes six years to connect, and flatten asphalt to the ground, but one r̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶s̶h̶o̶w̶e̶r̶ day for it to be hollowed out.
5. Honour thy father and thy mother: thou shalt wonder how their days have been long upon the r̶o̶a̶d̶s̶ land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
6. Thou shalt not kill j̶a̶y̶w̶a̶l̶k̶e̶r̶s̶.
7. Thou shalt not commit a hit-and-run.
8. Thou shalt not steal car parts and sell as scrap metal.
9. Thou shalt not sit on thy horn behind thy neighbour in traffic.
10. Thou shalt not exceed 50 km/h, thou shalt not exceed thy daily “claat” quota, nor park thy vehicle in the road, nor have a conversation with another driver in the road, nor flip the bird, nor tailgate someone else’s ass, nor do anything else that will piss off thy neighbour.